When I first started getting into spirituality, I identified strongly with the idea of being an old soul. Ever since I was a kid, people praised me for my strength and maturity, not realizing that I was just a child- I wasn’t supposed to be strong or mature. Teachers often spoke highly of me for being quiet in class, doing all my assignments and helping others. And yes, I was a teacher’s pet. Whenever I’d be at my grandmother’s, I would offer to help her with the chores and would be doing dishes and wiping down her fridge even though she insisted that she could do it.
We know. There’s no place like Hollywood. Bright lights filled with even bigger aspirations. It’s the place to be if you want to make your dreams come true. Sure, there’s lots of industries happening all over the world, but only one Hollywood.
Awhile back, I kept on having this intuitive feeling that the New Age Community would go down the same path as the Catholic Church did almost two thousands years ago. I kept telling myself that I was just being paranoid, and that these were good people who meant well, and boy, was my intuition right.
As a child, I was often given the impression that my purpose in life is to serve other people. Apparently, I’m not supposed to want anything. I’m not allowed to have needs or desires. My job is to exist so others can be happy. As an adult, I’m grateful to have finally realized that that is a lie, and my purpose is so much deeper. But before explaining why, a little backstory.
Every year for eighteen days, Torontonians flock to the CNE to play games, go on rides, eat cotton candy, get caricatures done, and win cool prizes. While there, people in attendance get to laugh, have fun, and forget their worries for at least a few hours, but for the staff, it’s anything but.
For a girl who spends her younger days scrubbing floors, sweeping, sewing, cooking, and caring for an entire family that isn’t even her own, Cinderella sure gets a lot of flack. She wakes up early, gets the house together, and nevermind is the only one to hold everything else together, including herself, but people still don’t like her. Even though most women have been there. We’ve all been that girl.
I miss her. She was naïve and carefree. She’d make bad decisions without thinking twice and somehow always got her way. Before the tattoos, before the heartbreak, there was a girl who believed everything was possible.
She had never been in a relationship, and neither was she looking for one. Rather it was love that found her, or so she thought.
Rap superstar Eve once made that statement, “I’m a pitbull in a skirt”, during an interview with Oprah. It’s also a line in her song, “What Ya Want”. I was a teenager when the episode aired, and that quote resonated with me in such a deep way, I haven’t changed my mind about it since.
Because I’ve always seen myself as a pitbull, a very girly, introverted, makeup-loving pitbull, which apparently confuses people.