Wednesday Journal Entry, Week 35
April 19th 2023 – Karina Lafayette
All it takes is a spark, but where does that spark come from, and how do we know when it’ll lead to a warm glow, or something destructive? Do you give every person a chance, or do you practice some discernment?
For some reason, we live in a world where a lot of us are taught this idea that when it comes to relationships, we should settle for the first person to smile from across the room, or that we shouldn’t be picky. ‘Cause apparently we need to be grateful for getting some attention, even any attention at all. But the more I’ve become familiar with my birth chart, and the more I pay attention to the people in my life, the more I realize that not everyone I meet will be for me. And you don’t need to believe in astrology to understand that.
Now if you’re already familiar with your birth chart and know the ins and out of compatibility, you probably already see where I’m heading, but this isn’t really for those in the know. This is for people who’ve felt stuck, and who want to figure out why. Sometimes we think we want something, and it’s what our parents or society would want. Other times we feel pressured to settle by a certain age. Astrology, after all, really is just about self-awareness.
But for a minute, let’s say that hypothetically you’re someone who thinks that astrology is irrelevant or even ridiculous, and you see no point in looking at charts to tell you that you’re compatible with someone, you’d be right, but it’s probably because you’re a person who either has a healthy attachment in relationships, or because you’ve been lucky enough to already have a series of good connections, that you don’t even need astrology to spot red flags or chemistry. There are lots of people in my life who have good compatibility with me, and I felt it without seeing their birth chart. However, the area I always struggle with is dating and romantic partnerships. So for that area, I actually take astrology very seriously, and it’s been part of my healing.
Of course, I don’t take it so seriously that I would avoid certain sun signs just because of an ex, or so seriously that I miss out on the other person’s lack of interest just because we have amazing synastry- which believe it or not, can happen. Trust me, even the most compatible birth charts don’t end in marriage, because people have freewill. Despite all this, when looking back at all the bad relationships and toxic situations in my life, there are placements that stand out enough for me to know, I shouldn’t go for that again. And I’m not referring to sun signs whatsoever, for a lot of those situations, I’m talking much deeper.
Before continuing, if you are that person who’s just learning, I want to mention that you need to forget whatever sun signs you thought would vibe well with yours, especially if you learned them through a quick Google search or horoscope.
Why? Because the sun has nothing to do with partnerships. It has to do with your ego, your main personality, but it’s only a fraction of who you are. For dating, sex and romantic partnerships in general, there are other planets that step in, to make things more complicated. That’s why as a Virgo, you might not ride well with Taurus and Capricorn, despite every pop astrology page saying that earth signs are made for each other. If that’s the case, you’re probably the kind of Virgo with planets in Leo or Libra! Whatever it is, there are lots of couples that based off sun alone, you’d wonder why they even like each other. Personally as a Taurus, I get along best with air signs and fire signs, and occasionally water signs. Weird, right?
For romance, the first planet we normally look at is Venus. Venus has to do with love languages and what you find attractive. A Capricorn with Venus in Aquarius would be more compatible with someone free-spirited and offbeat, but a Capricorn who also has Venus in Capricorn, would want a partner that’s down to “earth”. Obviously, even that’s a generalization, but it narrows things a bit on the quest for partnership. The other thing Venus can show is attachment style. Typically earth Venus tend to be more secure attached or require a partner that’s consistent. Fire Venus can be a bit disorganized in their attachment style. Water Venus are usually secure attached or anxious attached. While air Venus are often avoidant.
The other planet we look at is Mars, but Mars isn’t always a priority, depending Venuson what you’re looking for. Since Mars is the planet of sex, you’d be more interested in it if you’re someone who needs a lot of physical intimacy in a relationship. Otherwise, if you’re someone who doesn’t need it as much, or who’s more for intellectual connections, Mars can be put at the bottom of your list.
Beyond Mars and Venus, you also have the moon that plays an important role in all kinds of relationships. The moon is your internal world, it’s how you process feelings, and a side of you that’s more obvious with very close connections. Then there’s Mercury, which has to do with communication and how we process intellectually. This is why not every Taurus is an introvert and not every Pisces is about imagination and creativity.
The other placement I look at is Juno. I recently wrote a long article about how Juno isn’t only tied into romantic partnerships, but as well as friends and our closest family. This can be controversial to people in astrology who’ve held onto traditional interpretations, but if I look at the people in my life, the longest connections have had something with Juno, including my closest friends. For romance, the reason why I take Juno synastry with a grain of salt, is because Juno shows how we express loyalty and our needs in a partnership. In a healthy, long-term romance where both partners are head over heels, if Juno is involved, this can be a good thing. However, for abusive relationships or situations that feel more one-sided, having Juno can make you miserable, like you’re stuck with that person.
So yeah, despite what a lot of astrologers might say, I wouldn’t get excited anytime your chart and another includes Juno contacts, at least, not until you really, really get to know each other.
Another point I want to make, is that if you see that you have Venus or the moon in a certain sign, it doesn’t technically mean this is who your future partner or spouse is going to be. Frustrating right? It really just shows characteristics you tend to be attracted to. For example, someone with Venus in Aries is attracted to people who are straightforward and outgoing, which can show up in a lot of ways. Maybe they’ll find themselves with a Sagittarius or Leo. Maybe they’ll find themselves with someone who has planets in the first house, or even someone who has planets in the same sign as their Venus! It can also show having a partner with lots of Mars aspects.
Or better yet, maybe this person has so much fire in their chart, that what they really need is a completely different kind of partner. It’s weird to think about, but personally for me, I have SEVEN planets in earth, and I’m not close to many earth signs, and when someone I know does have planets in Taurus, Virgo or Capricorn, it’s usually their moon, Mars, Venus, or even their rising. Some of the people closest to me are people that at first glance, you wouldn’t think that we liked each other, unless you look way, way beyond the suns. In the past, however, I used to like people who were very different from me, but the older I get, the more I need harmony, so I’m not as patient in a relationship that feels like pulling teeth.
All in all, learning about your chart also tends to bring up certain wounds, but it can definitely explain why some connections are more triggering than others, and why you can hate someone for literally no reason. When there’s synastry involving Chiron or the North Node and South Node, that’s a whole other level, which can either be really beautiful, or painful, but this is a different topic. In my case, people with planets near my Chiron or nodes are much easier to interact with now than when I was younger, because there were parts of myself that I didn’t really accept yet.
The last thing we normally look at for compatibility is house overlays. This is often something that can make or break a relationship. In the past, I’ve had a situations where someone’s Saturn was in my eighth and um, let’s just say it made intimacy very boring. This may not be true for everyone- if anything, when someone has had a very active sexual side and wants to slow down, Saturn here can work wonders. Personally, I’m a Taurus. I can’t have a relationship where I’m unable to express myself in every way possible, especially since being vulnerable is a bit hard for me. House overlays sound complicated but they’re not, all you do is select the synastry option on Astro.com and both of your charts are basically on top of each other, that way you can see where your planets land in their chart, and vice versa.
Believe it or not, houses can even make two people connect deeper despite having tricky aspects, like maybe one person’s Mars is square the other person’s Venus, or you have moon opposite sun. Keep in mind that there’s no such thing as perfect compatibility, and funny enough, some couples with great compatibility tend to be a whirlwind romance instead of long-term. However, a person who’s already had a difficult life might enjoy something that feels lighter. It just depends on where you’re at. Really, it’s not so much about finding someone who’s chart works smoothly with your own, what’s more important is looking at your chart first, so that way you can be more aware of your patterns, strengths, weaknesses, and the things you didn’t even know you needed. Astrology shouldn’t have a final say in anything, but if you’re tired of wasting energy on the wrong people, it’s time to start looking within, so you can allow the right people to find you.
Karina
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If you enjoyed this, you may want to read Juno, Not Just a Wifey in Astrology, The Day Juno Divorced Jupiter: Uranus-Juno Transit 2023 and No, The Planets Don’t Have a Gender: What Venus and Mars Are Really About
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